Reframing Your ‘Broken’ New Year’s Resolutions: 3 Tips from a Compassion-Focused Therapist to Help You Get Back on Track
Creating lasting change is hard, and there’s no clearer evidence of this than the few weeks after New Year’s Day. The motivation and hope that come with the turn of a new year often collapse under the reality of old habits and the demands of daily life. By the time many of us reach mid-January, we find that our resolutions have fallen by the wayside, leading to feelings of failure and self-criticism.
As a compassion-focused therapist in Toronto, ON, I see this cycle repeat with many clients. But it’s crucial to remember that “breaking” your resolutions doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you’re human. Here are three tips to help you reframe your approach to New Year’s resolutions and get back on track with kindness and understanding.
Embrace Imperfection: The Power of Self-Compassion
The first step is to shift from a mindset of harsh self-critique to one of self-compassion. When we scold ourselves for ‘failing’ to keep our resolutions, we reinforce a narrative of “not good enough”. Instead, try to view your setbacks as opportunities for reflection. Research by Dr. Kristin Neff and others has shown that self-compassion is linked to greater emotional resilience. By cultivating self-kindness, you’re not giving up—you’re giving yourself the space you deserve to learn and adapt.
Here's how to practice self-compassion:
Acknowledge your feelings: Recognize the disappointment without judgment. Say something like “This hurts right now.”
Common humanity: Remember that you are not alone in this struggle; it is a shared human experience.
Mindful action: Reflect on what led to the slip and consider small, manageable steps you can take to move forward. After all, you are experimenting to see what works for you. And experiments require re-evaluation and reinvention.
2. Reframe Your Goals with the S.M.A.R.T Approach
The problem with many New Year’s resolutions is that they can be too vague or too ambitious. “I will get fit,” or “I will write a book,” are great goals, but without structure, they can feel overwhelming.
Instead, consider S.M.A.R.T goals: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. This framework can help you break down your resolutions into more manageable steps.
For example:
Instead of "I will get fit," try "I will go for a 30-minute walk three times a week."
Instead of "I will write a book," start with "I will write for 20 minutes every morning."
3. Build a Support System: The Role of Community
Having secure attachments and connections is helpful when we are facing challenges as humans. Building a community of support can significantly boost your ability to stick to your resolutions. This could mean joining a group with similar goals, finding an accountability partner, or even engaging with an online community. When you share your journey with others, you benefit from collective knowledge, encouragement, and the gentle accountability that comes from connecting with others.
To create a supportive community:
Reach out to friends or family members who may share your goals.
Join online forums or local groups with like-minded individuals.
Consider professional support if you’re struggling to stay on track. If you’re interested in speaking to a CFT therapist, reach out to MK Counselling and Psychotherapy today.
Final Thoughts as a CFT Therapist in Toronto, ON
As we navigate the aftershock of abandoned New Year’s resolutions, it’s important to recognize that the journey is as important as the destination. Every step, even the missteps, is a part of your growth. This year, instead of viewing resolutions as strict obligations, consider them as signals guiding you toward your truest self. With self-compassion, a S.M.A.R.T approach to goal setting, and a supportive community, you can reframe and rework your resolutions.
Ready to learn more Compassion Focused Techniques?
If you’re ready to talk with a compassion-focused therapist about your self-growth journey, reach out to book a free consultation with me. I look forward to hearing about all your aspirations for 2024! Follow the steps below to get started:
Schedule a consultation with me so I can learn more about you.
Learn more CFT techniques to get your resolutions back on track!
Other Services I Offer As a CFT Therapist in Toronto, ON
I offer customized services at Michelle Kent Counselling and Psychotherapy to meet your unique needs. I offer young caregiver therapy, stress and burnout therapy, grief counselling, and more.
