Breaking the Burnout Cycle: How to Compassionately Advocate for Yourself at Work
Chatting with a good friend recently, she shared how her work life currently feels chaotic, she’s constantly fighting exhaustion and she finds herself barely getting through her workday. When I expressed concern, she shrugged, “I think it’s just a bit of burnout, that’s all.” I was a bit surprised by her downplaying of symptoms, but her statement is not an unusual one… in fact, we’re often pressured by our workplaces and society as a whole to ignore our personal limits and do more.
When I bring up the idea of workplace burnout, images of furrowed brows, missed deadlines, and falling asleep at your desk might come to mind. But what does work burnout really mean for you, personally? And more importantly, how can you navigate this overwhelming experience with self-compassion and kindness, especially when it’s time to have that difficult conversation with your boss?
As a compassion-focused therapist, I understand how challenging it can be to recognize burnout in yourself and even more challenging to address it in a way that honors your well-being while maintaining professional relationships. In this blog, we’ll explore how to recognize the signs of burnout, how to approach your boss about it, and how to set boundaries that protect your mental and emotional health. We’ll also discuss how understanding your "window of tolerance" can help you prevent burnout before it even begins.
Recognizing the Signs of Burnout in Yourself
Before we can address burnout, we need to understand what it looks like in our lives. Burnout doesn’t just appear overnight; it creeps in slowly, often unnoticed until we’re in the thick of it.
One of the first signs of burnout is emotional exhaustion.
You might find that the tasks you used to accomplish with ease now feel overwhelming. You might dread going to work, or even small tasks at home might feel like too much. This exhaustion isn’t just physical; it’s a deep emotional weariness that can affect every part of your life. For example, a colleague of mine once told me that when she prayed for a meeting to be cancelled, she knew this was an early sign of burnout. She wasn’t just hoping for a little break, but the thought consumed her so much that she would fantasize about the relief she could have if the clients would just cancel.
Another sign is a sense of detachment or apathy toward your job.
If you find yourself feeling resentful about work tasks or colleagues, it’s a strong indicator that burnout is creeping up. This pattern of detachment is your mind’s way of protecting itself, but it can also lead to decreased performance and a lack of fulfillment in your work.
Physical symptoms are also common.
Headaches, stomach issues, and even frequent colds can be signs that your body is under too much stress. Pay attention to these signals; they’re your body’s way of telling you that something needs to change.
Lastly, a significant sign of burnout is the feeling of being trapped.
You might feel like there’s no way out of your current situation, leading to a sense of hopelessness. This is where the cycle of burnout can become particularly dangerous, as it can lead to anxiety, depression, and a decline in overall well-being.
Understanding Your Window of Tolerance: A Tool to Prevent Burnout
A key concept in preventing burnout is understanding your "window of tolerance." Coined by Dr. Dan Siegel, the window of tolerance refers to the ideal zone of arousal in which a person can function most effectively. When we are within this window, we can comfortably manage stress and ultimately stay present in our day-to-day.
However, when stress pushes us to the edge or outside of this window—either into hyper-arousal (feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or panicked) or hypo-arousal (feeling numb, disconnected, or depressed)—our ability to cope diminishes. Prolonged periods outside of our window of tolerance can lead directly to burnout.
Understanding and recognizing when you’re within or outside of your window of tolerance is a key step in preventing burnout.
For example, if you notice that certain tasks or interactions at work consistently push you into hyper-arousal, it might be time to reassess your workload or the way you approach those tasks. Similarly, if you find yourself feeling numb or disengaged (a sign of hypo-arousal), it’s important to acknowledge this and take steps to re-center yourself within your window of tolerance.
Preventing burnout involves being mindful of you emotional and physical responses throughout the day. When you notice that you’re being pushed out of your window of tolerance, it’s a sign that you need to take a break, seek support, or adjust your approach to the task at hand. This practice of self-awareness and self-regulation is a powerful tool in maintaining your mental health and preventing burnout. I highly recommend working with a professional to help you identify your own unique signs of being inside or outside your window of tolerance and ultimately address patterns of burnout.
Compassionate Advocacy: Speaking to Your Boss About Burnout
Once you’ve recognized the signs of burnout and understand your window of tolerance, the next step is to address it—both within yourself and in your workplace. This is where compassion-focused advocacy comes into play. It’s about advocating for yourself in a way that is kind, both to yourself and to those you work with.
The idea of speaking to your boss about burnout can be daunting. You might worry about being perceived as weak, or fear that your concerns won’t be taken seriously. However, approaching this conversation with a mindset of self-compassion can help ease these fears.
Start by acknowledging your feelings. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, and it’s okay to need help.
When you frame the conversation with your boss around your well-being rather than simply listing complaints, you create a space for a more productive and supportive dialogue.
You might begin the conversation with something like, “I’ve been reflecting on my workload and have noticed that I’m feeling increasingly overwhelmed. I truly care about my work and want to ensure I can continue to contribute effectively. I’d like to discuss some ways we can adjust my responsibilities so I can continue to perform at my best.”
This approach emphasizes your commitment to your job while also setting the stage for discussing necessary changes. Be sure to offer some of your own solutions if possible.
The Importance of Setting Boundaries: Lessons from "Set Boundaries, Find Peace"
In her book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace, Nedra Glover Tawwab emphasizes the power of boundaries in protecting our mental health. She emphasizes, “Boundaries are not just a practice, they’re a lifestyle.” This idea is crucial when it comes to preventing and addressing burnout.
Setting boundaries at work might seem challenging, especially if you’re used to saying “yes” to everything. However, it’s crucial to recognize that your capacity is not infinite. Understanding and respecting your own limits is the first step toward creating a sustainable work life.
Tawwab suggests that we start by identifying areas where we feel most overextended and where saying “no” could create a healthier balance. This doesn’t mean you’re not a team player; it means you’re playing on the team in a way that ensures you can continue to perform at your best over the long-term.
When communicating boundaries to your boss or colleagues, it’s important to be clear and direct, but also respectful. For example, you might say, “I’ve realized that taking on more projects right now would compromise my ability to complete my current responsibilities to the best of my ability. I’d like to focus on what’s already on my plate to ensure I’m delivering high-quality work.”
This kind of statement shows that you’re thoughtful about your workload and committed to maintaining your professional standards, but also aware of your limits.
Moving Forward: Creating a Sustainable Work Life
Breaking the burnout cycle is not just about addressing it when it happens; it’s about creating a work life that prevents it from occurring in the first place. This means regularly checking in with yourself, recognizing the signs of burnout early, staying within your window of tolerance, and being proactive in setting and maintaining boundaries.
Remember, advocating for yourself is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength. By acknowledging your needs and communicating them compassionately, you’re not only taking care of yourself but also setting an example for others in your workplace.
Begin Burnout Therapy in Toronto, ON
Self-compassion is a powerful tool in this process. When you approach your work with kindness toward yourself, you create an environment where you can thrive, not just survive. And that’s not only good for you—it’s good for everyone around you. You can start your therapy journey with Michelle Kent Counseling by following these simple steps:
Contact me so we can hear your story.
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Other Services Offered at Michelle Kent Counseling
Burnout therapy and stress management are not the only mental health concern I offer support with. I know the demands of work, life, and everything in between can be hard to juggle at times. I am dedicated to helping you navigate and overcome stress. I am happy to offer support in Toronto, ON, and I specialize in first responder counseling, young caregiver counselling, compassion-focused therapy, and more. Visit my about page or blog to today!
