Tips for Managing Anger as a Young Caregiver

If you’re a young caregiver and you’re noticing anger becoming more prevalent in your day-to-day life, you’re not alone. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, caregiving can be incredibly rewarding but also feel impossibly stressful. Join MK Counselling and Psychotherapy as we discuss how to manage anger in young caregiver counselling in Toronto, ON.

For many young caregivers, you’re not only managing your loved one’s personal care, administering medications, accompanying them to appointments, and managing their finances, but you’re also dealing with the pressure of school, work, and personal relationships. It’s no wonder you’d experience anger when taking on so much responsibility daily.  

Understanding Anger as a Secondary Emotion: 

A common image young caregiver therapists will use when explaining anger is an iceberg. Imagine anger as the small part above the water, while other complex emotions lie hidden under the water. Anger can feel more visible and prominent, but there is a lot of nuance beneath the surface. 

Understanding anger as a secondary emotion means that usually, anger shows up when it’s trying to protect you from other more vulnerable emotions you’re experiencing. Sounds complicated, right? It is! And it also means that anger isn’t necessarily a bad thing, in fact, it can be a source of information that something else is going on with you. 

Getting Curious About Your Anger Instead of Pushing it Away 

For those of us who were socialized as women, we were often told that anger is not pretty. In fact, it’s not an emotion we are often not allowed to express. Denying anger or even pushing it away then, becomes automatic. However, like other emotions that go unnoticed or unexplored, they don’t exactly go away. So instead, I encourage you to get to know your anger: ask it what’s wrong, what it needs from you, and how you might release or express it in a healthy way. 

Mapping Your Triggers

Think about the last few weeks. They can be brief moments, or significant events that brought up anger for you. If it feels right to do so, write down what was happening in that moment: 

• Who were you with? 

• What task were you trying to complete, if any? 

• What was going on before this moment? 

• Were there other emotions that led to this anger (feeling betrayed, ignored, helpless, criticized) 

• Were your basic physical needs met (ie. had you eaten properly, did you get adequate sleep the night before?)

• How did you react to this anger? 

Recognizing Your Warning Signs

Next, start to explore the warning signs. Tuning into our bodies and thought processes can help us identify intensifying anger before it can feel unmanageable, and before we react in a way that’s aggressive, destructive, or just plain unhelpful.  

Some Common Physical warning signs of anger:

1. Increased heart rate 

2. Shallow breathing 

3. Fist clenching 

4. Jaw clenching 

5. Sweating 

6. Muscle tension 

7. Headache 

8. Feeling sick to the stomach 

Cognitive and Behavioural Warning Signs

1. Increased passive-aggressive comments or sarcastic remarks toward others 

2. Sudden silence or feeling “shut down” during a disagreement 

3. Increase self-criticism or negative self-talk 

4. Crying 

5. Increased voice volume

6. Rumination 

7. Handling objects roughly, banging doors, etc. 

8. Insulting the other person

Using these lists as a starting point, I really encourage you to track your anger patterns and see what comes up. By revisiting your triggers and warning signs, you can start putting together a plan for coping with anger that works best for you and your caregiving environment. For example, if you know that you are often angry in the evening when trying to get your loved one to take a shower, and you notice your anger increasing when they refuse to follow your instructions, you can start to experiment with different ways to calm your nervous system before and during the time you begin prompting them to shower. This may also mean partially or fully delegating this task to someone else (if possible) or setting your own expectations about how your loved one might handle your directions. 

Some Ideas for Coping with Anger 

1. Taking a time-out or “walking away”: This certainly depends on the context, but many people find it beneficial to remove themselves from the triggering. Do your best to calmly express that you need a moment to yourself and that you’ll return in a certain amount of time. Make a plan on how you might ground yourself or use diversions to manage your anger. 

2. Diversions: Distracting yourself with another activity can help you return to the source of your anger with a clearer mind. Some distractions might be going for a walk or run. As well as listening to music, writing or journaling, drawing, calling a friend, reading a book, etc. This can help you balance caregiving and your personal needs.

3. Practicing grounding exercises like paced breathing: This is proven to help regulate your emotions. Deep breathing is something that’s always accessible to you at the moment. A simple breathing practice to try might be breathing in for 4 counts, holding for 4 counts, and exhaling for 6 counts over the span of 3 minutes. Explore Your Anger with a Stress Therapist in Toronto, ON

4. Practicing grounding exercises like paced breathing: This is proven to help regulate your emotions. Deep breathing is something that’s always accessible to you at the moment. A simple breathing practice to try might be breathing in for 4 counts, holding for 4 counts, and exhaling for 6 counts over the span of 3 minutes. 

Explore Your Anger with a Stress Therapist in Toronto, ON

Exploring your anger in a safe and validating space is paramount in creating a successful coping plan. By speaking with a young caregiver therapist, you’ll be able to explore the unique triggers and patterns of your anger. As well as diving deeper into past experiences that might inform your anger in the present moment. If you’re eager to get to know your anger on a deeper level, reach out today to book a free consultation.

Manage your Caregiver Stress in Young Caregiver Counselling in Toronto, ON

If you are experiencing young caregiver burnout, you're not alone. My expert guide to managing anger and resentment for young caregivers in Toronto, ON, offers practical insights and strategies to restore balance in your life. Take the first step towards a healthier, more resilient you!

1. Contact me here.

2. Learn more about young caregiver counselling.

3. Manage your anger and resentment as a young caregiver in Toronto, ON.

Other Services I Offer As A Stress Therapist in Toronto, ON:

I offer customized services at Michelle Kent Counselling and Psychotherapy to meet your unique needs. I empathize with the demands of work life and am dedicated to helping you navigate and overcome stress. In addition to young caregiver therapy, I offer stress and burnout therapy, grief counselling, and more.